i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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