Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
