I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
