Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
