So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
