am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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