Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
