I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
