i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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