That's intense
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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