Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
