you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
