White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
