apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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