there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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