yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
