All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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