So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
