the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
why is half of my head shaved?
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