that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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