apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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