hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
