Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
