Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
