He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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