she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
