you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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