I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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