I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
