I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
