his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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