At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
