you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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