You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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