oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
She's like a pop up book from hell.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Randomize
