My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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