i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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