i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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