i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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