I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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