My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
