I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
