if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
