Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
