so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
