U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
