Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
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