Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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