the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
