we're blogging at a bar
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
