We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I will be naked everywhere
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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