About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Randomize
