I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
40s are totally the cure
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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