I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
im six kinds of drunk right now
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
