corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
