i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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