I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
