batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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